An alarm system is supposed to make me feel safer, isn't it? Why then does part of me feel less secure?
We had an alarm system installed today, and after the installers had tested it and showed us how it worked and driven away, I found myself feeling upset and a bit shaken.
I have never felt the need of an alarm system - still do not, actually. Our area is very safe and quiet, and I never feel anxious when on my own at home. We do have burglar guards on the windows (lovely "clear bars") and security gates on the doors; but you can open our garden gate and walk up the front door, which I like. More and more, we are cut off from each other behind gates and walls and electric fences, so I like bucking the trend and staying accessible.
What changed? My dear husband had the opportunity to travel overseas, and arranged for an alarm system to help protect his precious family while he is away. After some debate and after downsizing the original quote, we agreed on a simple, effective system and he boarded his plane, leaving me to see to the installation of the system and learn how to operate it.
So why the negative emotions? I feel it goes something like this:
If I have an alarm system, it must mean there is something to be alarmed about - something against which I and my family need to be protected. Admitting an alarm system admits too that the world is not as safe as we like or pretend. It doesn't quite go so far as to invite attack; but it admits the possibility.
It is this admission that has me uneasy and sad when you might expect me to feel relieved and reassured. I am alarmed, dear friends, by the alarm.
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